denial

Do you feel your partner is forever putting his or her own needs first?

Do you find yourself asking "What am I getting out of this relationship?"

Do you often admit to yourself that you feel profoundly helpless, disempowered and often on edge with your partner?

These questions are asked by the back of a book I found on the kitchen table this morning, Loving the Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown. I was shocked! And yet it all seemed so familiar.

Probably because my partner has tried to have this same conversation with me a hundred times already, with results ranging from half-hearted promises of improvement to total denial of the problem and her feelings.

I really hate to admit that I make mistakes. And I'm good at ignoring my faults. I'm trying to keep myself "safe" and it's ruining my relationship. This feels like patriarchal behavior.

I'm writing here to remind myself that there is a path of more relatedness and aliveness that I could take.