righteousness

So! In order to make it in a patriarchal society, I've toned down, cut off or ignored many aspects of myself. I've noticed recently that I'm only capable of feeling loved (or worth loving) when I think I am "right."

Being "right" is, I think, the only safe place for a patriarchal person. It's funny because it looks like I'm being strong by being right, but really I'm dependent on everyone saying I'm right.

I'm remembering reading about how patriarchy disconnects us from our innate sense of self worth and places us in competition with each other. John Stoltenberg's The End Of Manhood has some good writing on this idea. He explains manhood as a vertical model where there's always someone above or below us and the only way to get more manhood is by climbing higher on this never ending wall. That's how you know you're a man!

This post is really getting away from me. Anyway, most of the world seems set up to tell men (white ones in particular) that we're right. I'm interested in what happens if I make room in my mind for other people to be right.