Ah, indeed they do. I was wondering what to write today. Seems that if I can string together twelve hours of even the most basic responsibility for my feelings, I start thinking that I'm "done" and that twenty nine years of living in a patriarchal society have left me mercifully unscathed. That's possible, right?
Anyway, here's a behavior that I attribute to the patriarchy: the pout! This is when my partner has a legitimate criticism of something I've done that hurts her feelings or makes her feel unsafe. Rather than working to understand her and changing my behavior, I'll do this big song and dance about how sorry I am and how bad I feel that I did this and that and before I know it she's taking care of me again. I continue to assume that other people will do the emotional work of my relationships for me. And if they don't I can manipulate them into doing it.
She's been wise to this strategy for a long time now, but I'm only recently seeing that in addition to it being totally unfair to her, it's also making me miserable. Depending on someone else to sort out my emotions leaves me feeling like a stranger to myself when I'm alone.
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Wow, I am dating a man just like that...Don, is that you? Yes, this behavior makes us, the women in this immature relationship, feel sad and unsafe. Do you realize that we sometimes don't want to go home, at the end of the day, in fear of what we will have to put up with? It's quite sad to regret having to go home to a place that is supposed to make me happy, feel safe and to relax. Instead of wanting to go home to the arms of my wonderful man that loves me, takes care of me and makes me feel safe; that he, instead, slowly drains all of the love and happiness out of me. So men, please explain to us, that when the time comes where we have had enough and there is nothing left to give, that you are shocked and once again, perform this "song and dance" of remorse and empty promises...when if you were mature enough to take care of your relationship the first dozen times we told you of this behavior, you could avoid watching us walk away...happily?
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