hitting a bit of a wall

I'm feeling like this is where I'd normally stop writing, declare that I've done enough and have reached the limits of self improvement. I'm scared of what it's really going to take to dismantle patriarchy in my life.

All of a sudden it seems like so much work. I thought that if I simply stated my intentions the work would just get done. Ha ha ha ha ha haha hahah hahah hhaaaah ha ha ha haa .......?

I'm realizing how much work other people do for me. It's a shitload. Of work. But this is kind of cool because once I realize that somebody's doing the work, it's easier to see myself doing the work.