Here's what I want to work on: problem solving. Those two words have so many triggers for me. I see them and think, "I can't solve problems. I don't know how. It's really important and I'll fuck it up and look stupid. And I must be stupid because it's supposed to be easy."
Wow! That's more than I thought would be in there. I'm good at speculating on a problem's roots, but at some point I think I have to start looking for solutions or I'll just go crazy thinking about the massive momentum that a problem has built up in my mind over the years.
I'm trying to train myself to look for ways to change things. If I'm not happy with something, what can I do right now that makes a difference? I have a feeling that there are always options open to me, but I ignore them because I'm afraid of looking stupid.
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Understanding my own patriarchal damage/privilege
2 comments:
I really appreciate this blog of yours! It is incredibly difficult to name the things that are normalized and made invisible, that are taken for granted as "just the way things are" in our lives. So I feel very encouraged by the fact that you're naming these patterns that emerge from patriarchal norms.
I also wanted to say that there are alot of intersecting forces keeping us from finding solutions to problems that emerge from cultural and societal norms. I personally find myself reproducing hetero norms around what it means to be a woman all the time, and get frustrated because I don't actually believe in any of it! Noticing these patterns is the first step, but it's much more difficult to find a solution and then put it in to action. I think that the important thing is being able to sit (uncomfortably) with the issues that we've named, and accept the fact that solutions may not be instantaneous, but we have the desire to change. Even just sitting slightly beside our usual pattern is a significant step.
Thanks for the comment, Sarah! I agree that it's important to sit with uncomfortable issues and be open about not having figured everything out yet. Sometimes I think I could make more effective change in my life if I wasn't so worried about looking like I'm happy and have it all sorted out.
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