I've had a couple suggestions for the blog recently. Number one: recipes. Right? People love them. In the coming weeks I will post my famous recipe for refried beans. They are delicious.
Number two: write about the ways I succeed in dismantling the patriarchy. I like this suggestion.
Here's a strategy that comes courtesy of Sarah. I've found it useful for dealing with patriarchal pouting. When I'm feeling paralyzed by self pity and/or loathing and have know idea what to do because I'm thinking that there is some magical right thing to say and if only I could find it it would fix everything... When I'm thinking like that all I have to do is start paying attention to her. I usually find that what she's wanting most is an emotional connection between us. And if she wants to be connected, that must mean she likes me. And that must mean I'm worth liking. And so I start to like myself better. And then I can start to get present with my feelings and actually relate to her.
The one downside to this is that it reinforces my need for external validation. I only start loving myself when someone says I'm lovable. I'm working on that.
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Understanding my own patriarchal damage/privilege
3 comments:
Hot tips! The blog is looking good Galen! As we were talking about, the whole notion of a record, with timelines and links, and the occasional recipe, will be such a great resource! I should take my own advice and post a recipe on Erin's blog!
Consider it: planned.
I like your posts. They are thoughtful and I think I understand what you mean by 'the patriarchy' better now than I did before. So thank you!
so here is an inevitable development from the home headquarters. i read this and thought the "strategy from sarah" must be a modification of some suggestion from me, because there are various aspects that i'm not into. misquotation angst!
after some discussion in real life, i want to clarify that i aim for emotional-grounding methods that don't obligate other people to perform duties. i'm into helping on negotiated terms, but i think the strategy in this post depends on me desiring emotional connection on demand, even if sometimes i just want to be left alone. it privileges the performance of desire over my actual desire, which i don't usually put up with. also... i'm having this vain reaction where i think this attribution makes me look egotistical, and i want to clarify that i don't think the solution to emotional pain is to turn to the healing power of my love. i think that's all the stuff i was feeling self-conscious about.
i know we had a big chat about this in person, galen, but i hope it turns out to be useful to have the feedback on your blog too. i think it is solving my angst, at least. (i am already pretty immune to worrying about looking like a dork for making unsolicited, long, and personal comments, so this should be all good now.)
so, thanks for talking about this in real life and helping me figure out how to make it ok for me to be mentioned in your posts about conventionally private feelings and concerns. i am really into figuring out shit like that, so that you can blog uncensored.
Thanks for the feedback - both in person and on the blog.
You're right that my strategy is a pretty serious modification of another idea you had. This discussion is helping me be more aware of the way I listen and how patriarchal conditioning holds me back from really understanding you and others.
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